Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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