:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
