He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
