help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
