ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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