We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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