there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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