I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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