I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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