Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize