i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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