Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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