Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
