just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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