the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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