saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
