My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My ATM looks so different sober.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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