How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
