The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
