After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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