I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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