You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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