Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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