apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
