this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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