You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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