im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
