Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize