Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
