I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
