My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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