NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
