just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
