listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need a beard to bite.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize