My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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