We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have fence marks all over my body
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
