I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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