I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
