Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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