I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize