You made me cry and you don't even care
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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