Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
