Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
