i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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