you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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