I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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