Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize