Define "chronic" masturbator.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
