Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize