You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
