I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize