Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
