I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
