You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A bitchslap is in order.
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