Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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