It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
