New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
