But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
