HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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