And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
