im holly from the hills drunk
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
