i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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