How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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