Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
