You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
