so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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