i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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