ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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