yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
