After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize