tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
